woman intuition

Listening to : My Alarm - Alycia

Second blog for tonight.
I seriously feel like shit. I hate how vulnerable i can be at times, especially when it comes to boys.
I don't even know why i care so much, maybe because i think raising a baby on my own is hard, and of course it is...but i keep telling myself that i can do this, i know i'm strong but he keeps putting me down. He's always out drinking and partying his life away, while i'm at home with his baby and he doesn't give a damn fucking shit about her. It hurts, it fucking hurts knowing that she won't have a father that'll look at her the same way her mum does. It hurts knowing that she'll never have that father-daughter relationship, when she grows up she can't run to her dad for help. I feel as though i do the whole 'going out get drank and wasted' shit too, because he can... and i know it's wrong because being a mum has a lot of responsibilities of setting a good example towards their child/children, man it's like your heart is no longer yours, it wonders off to the one you love?! I don't think that made any sense.. but anyway, i was talking to Michael the other night and he was saying "when peighton grows up she'll be inspired by you knowing that you raised her on your own." And it made me teary, and shes my motivation of keeping my head up and looking into OUR future together. It's hard though, it's fucking hard... I love her to bits and all, but everytime i look at her, i see her dad too and it cuts me up. He wasn't there for jackshit! The whole pregnancy, the pain of bringing her into this world (but it was sooo worth it, i'd it all over again just to make 10 more peightons:) the shit talk that i had to go through all on my own.
So i've been thinking.... i'm really going to put all the hard work in life just to get through the past, i don't care if i have to sacrifice parties and hanging out or whatever, yeah sounds selfish of me but it's all for her. I've decided to quite everything and stay straight edge from now on. (I'm gunna try my hardest) I'm going to focus on TAFE so i can go to my dream college Billy Blue, thats some high expectation shit right there! But aye, i'm gunna try. Even if i do proceed with having a short term break off TAFE, i'm gunna work my ass off for 6 months to FINALLY get a place for me and Pei just so that i won't have any distractions, laters technology lol and so that i can be independant aswell. I really need this, fuck it seems like every time i take a step forward, i'm taking two steps back and it's just a repetitive action. And in the end the result is happiness :) I know i can do this, i'm just gunna pray and pray to get the strength i need to do the best i can for Peighton. Pffft, i'll show him how successful & content i'll be without all that hardcunt party shit! I mean, occasional going out, getting plastered is okay, just not every weekend!
Sooo... thats my story. My makeover starts...............NOW!
laters smokes, drinks & all that fungus shit

Triple P's + P!

Listening to : The Lost Soul - Headhunterz

I love Peighton soooo much, it's indescribable! You know, I've never loved kids this much because i had no clue what to do with them! Ever since time progressed and i've started to get use to Pei and babysitting my nieces and nephews, i pretty much wanna make and adopt 1000 more kids! hahahaha, later in the future :)
Anyways, yesterday was Zoei's first birthday, shes the cutest little papaya baby ever and her skin is soooo white and clear it makes me want to eat her ahaha. I didn't stay there long because my mum was just chillin' at kellyville shops (full cbf to go home and drive back 2 hours later) so we were in Keeshas room hanging out and talking. Arrived home around 6, sooo bored cause Pei fell asleep so i was doin jack and Nat called to come out :) Abit've hesitation cause we didn't know what to do, where to go, we just wanted to chillatch! Got picked up brought my macbook and went for a cruise all the way to emu plains! with our white areo's trippin out on the window that had some screwed up drawing of a naked chick hahaha. We were soo paranoid so we just stopped at the nearest place - maccadeeeez. I was flying, swimming, dancing, shuffling and doin the randomest shit haha and we got into the car just talking our lives away and bitching about our boyfriends/ex boyfee's grr. Ahaha shit aye, like best night i've had ever since forfuckinever! Good 'ol girls night in the car chewin chewies, it's pretty randomt though cause i've known Natti since acoupla years back and i know 'off' Cindy and Jenibi, just never had the chance to meet them straight up and shit, we got along so damn well and it was the first night we met! Funniest girls out buh, *WHAAAAAAAAAAT! raisin one leg up, hand shakin' hahaha (inside joke) yeah ANYWAYS, Decided to drive back home around 3am and i was smacked out hard, i felt so dead, i just wanted to clonk out on my front door step but as soon as i came into the house and saw Peighton..... my mind was just on her, and i couldn't even go to bed because i just LOVE staring at her while shes asleep. I didn't feel tired at all so I washed her bottles and made milk. I even woke up early today around 10ish for her next feed and i just felt...happy for some reason :) Haven't been like this in ages!
But anyways, I stayed home with Pei today, everyone else went out so me and bubbzy had our bonding time :) Shes starting to blabber and talk jibberish alot now! Yey, and she always smiles when i sing to her, even when its out of tune lol. Awh man, i've never loved someone so much!

First blog

Listening to : The break up song - Brandon Hines

This is my first blog, thanks to Angelli who created it! I actually made one ages ago in October of last year, but it's pretty personal so i'd rather keep it to myself. Anyways, i didn't do much today lately i've been feeling pretty lifeless due to sickness and no it's not the swine flu......it's you. lol so i stayed home with Pei :) Later on, Angelli came by and chillaxed for abit had our girly talk about stupid boys that are dipshits! After she left, I felt all shitty so me and Michael had a pretty good talk about my whole situation. I swear he's the best when it comes to this stuff and he knows exactly what to say whenever I need advice or cheering up, even when it's something i don't want to hear, in the end it's the truth. Yeah, he's one of my best mates back in old St Marys days :) True friend to keep (sometimes) lol jokes. Anyways I don't want to be an emotional wreck on my first blog so for those of you that don't know me too well, i'll jot down afew things about me :)

- Full name is Mary Elaine Laurente
- Birth date December 9, 1990
- I'm 18 years old
- I have a beautiful daughter :), Peighton Serenity (still figureing out whether shes taking my last name or fathers)
- She was born on March 4, 2009
- I'm the youngest of 5 children, have 4 brothers
- I attended Emmaus Catholic College from year 7-10 and St Marys from year 11-mid 12
- Currently doing Design Fundamentals Cert III and going onto my Graphics Design Diploma next semester :) (hopefully)
- I absolutely LOVE dancing! going clubbing and raves when I have the time.